Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Confessions of a Sugar Fiend

Why is it that I can quit smoking but I somehow can not control myself when it comes to sugar?  If candy is in the house, I devour it by the handfuls.  Halloween is, in that aspect, the worst holiday ever.  I had one unopened bag of a variety pack of mini candy bars intending to return them to the store and get my money back.  I didn't do that errand soon enough.  The bag sat on the island in my kitchen for too long and last night I probably ate three handfuls, about 15 mini candy bars.  Then this morning I grabbed about 5 more and ate them with my coffee.  I feel pretty gross and yet I can't seem to stop eating them.  This is why I can't have candy of any sort in the house.

I've managed to quite all other vices I had in the past, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes but candy seems to be my downfall.  It's a slippery slope too.  I eat one cookie/jellybean/candy bar/lollipop and suddenly I'm hunting down the source.  When I locate the bag or box I just eat them all day and before I know it, the bag or box is completely empty by the end of the day.  It's not uncommon for me to buy something and eat half of the box or bag while in the checkout line.  Two weeks ago I was craving sugar so badly I bought a box of Nutter Bars and ate three double bar packages out of the box while I was checking out.  I couldn't even be bothered to stop eating while I loaded everything from my cart onto the conveyor belt.  I loaded stuff up one handed while I held the nutter bar I was eating with the other hand. *sigh*

When I was pregnant with my oldest and with the twins, I was even worse.  I didn't think I could be worse.  With my oldest, if there were no sweets in the house, I would make brown sugar butter balls and just stand in the kitchen chowing down on them.   When I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest, my husband came home to find me sitting in the middle of the couch with my feet up watching the Food Network surrounded by opened bags of Oreos, HoHos, oatmeal cookes and jelly beans with a 2 liter bottle of caffeine free Coke on the table.

When I was 5 months pregnant with the twins I would make the Pilsbury tube of giant cinnamon rolls that you open up and bake with the little container of icing.  Then I would proceed to to watch some chef show and eat all 6 of those cinnamon rolls in one sitting and lick the icing container.

I've been known to buy a tub of icing and then use a candy cane to eat it with while we watch a movie.
Sometimes it's stress that drives me to snarf sugar with abandon, sometimes not.

I have to take the car in for service today.  I tried to change the turn signal light on the front of the car myself and was forced to look online from the directions so I wouldn't force something and break it by accident.  I looked at the diagram and specs.  I would have to remove the front tire, remove the fender inside, unscrew the entire housing, THEN I can change the bulb.  The car has two recalls on it anyway.  I told the car, "fuck you car." I will be taking it to the dealer which just irritates me to no end and I will probably snarf the rest of this bag of mini candy bars as a result.

Yesterday the telco guy came and my kids were playing nicely outside and out of the way.  They had made a fort out of the outdoor furniture cushions and the metal framed bench.  I was in the kitchen; they were right outside the kitchen window.  The telco guy was about 10 feet away fixing something or other.  Then I hear:  "NAKED DIVING!!!"  I ran outside yelling, "NOOOOO" to where they were; but I was soooo slow like I was running through mud.  There they were, all three of them naked, all poised to jump into the pile of cushions with the metal bench underneath.  I envisioned lots of crying, bruises and blood...   The telco guy looked at me when I came back in, he said, "Did they yell 'Naked Diving'"  I said, "Um, yup."

Peace, Love, and Chicken Grease


  1. coincidentally, before reading this I had just announced to my husband that the package of maple cookies we bought yesterday evening was now comepletely finished. (He ate one row though!!)

    I can devour an entire package of cookies in one go, no problem-o. Stupid sugar and it's awesome taste. ~leanna

    1. or ITS awesome taste, rather. I added an apostrophe for no reason.